my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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