I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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