That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
