we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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