a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
