I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
