I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
