I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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