what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
