I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
