I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
