careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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