doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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