I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
a search helicopter?!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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