i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
