and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
