I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Come on in and take your pants off
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