just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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