Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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