Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
