i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
