Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
