so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
