Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
