A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
