i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
