It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
