would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
