Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
