Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
