A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
