omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
