I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
birth control should be required to get into college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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