Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
