please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
