it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
