Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
