Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
barbara walters just said penis...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
