We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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