i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
