He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
