dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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