Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
