The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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