guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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