I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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