you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
