Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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