I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
