hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
