she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
