He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk is a universal language darling
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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