Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
