Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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